To Baldly Go Where No Blog Has Ever Gone Before

I was watching a Cavaliers playoff game recently and a particular play caught my eye. LeBron James drove to the hole and was fouled so hard his headband fell off. The thing that struck me about this was not the intense pounding that The King takes night in and night out, but rather what was revealed by his relocated headband. I happened to notice that LeBron has a little bit of a receding hair line. This may sound pretty bad, but it made me really happy to see that. As someone who graduated from high school the same year as LeBron and also struggles with the same affliction, it made me feel a little more at ease. I started to think about other balding athletes that I admire, and decided to create a top ten list of follicly challenged dudes in sports. The list takes into account degree of baldness as well as how good they are at their particular discipline. I expect there to be some glaring omissions and issues with the order in which they are picked, so feel free to leave your comments in order to promote some discussion. So without further ado, here is my list.

10. Scott Van Pelt - I know he's not an athlete, but since he is my favorite Sportscenter anchor I felt I needed to include him in my list. This guy represents for the bald brotherhood well with his witty comments, his great delivery when reading highlights, and his very insightful analysis for golf. Not to mention he is in a number of classic Sportscenter commercials, my favorite being him and Jimmy Rollins studying his broadcasting tape. He fits your classic bald guy makes up for it by being funny mold.

9. Andres Iniesta - This Barcelona/Spain midfielder doesn't look like much off the pitch. If you had to guess his profession you might come up with Accountant or Science Teacher. But anybody who has seen Barcelona's Champions League run this year knows this guy is magic with the ball at his feet. He is the fulcrum to that devastating attack that captured 3 trophies this season.


8. Albert Pujols - This Cardinals slugger has many things. An MVP trophy, a World Series ring, and one of the nicest swings in the majors. However he also has a serious widow's peak from that receding hairline of his. He can shave his head as much as he wants, but he's not fooling anybody.


7. Matt Hasselbeck - This guy is holding it down for the pale bald white guy demographic. He embraces his baldness, and shaves his head completely clean. You have to respect a guy who doesn't care if he looks like a hospital patient. He takes this look and he owns it, and bald men everywhere respect that. Oh yeah, he's not a bad quarterback either.


6. John Smoltz - Smoltz's pitching accolades are amazing. This guy has some serious grit to dominate as a starter, have arm problems, dominate as a closer, and then finally come full circle as an effective starter. He is also one of the great postseason pitchers ever. Perhaps the thing that I love about Smoltz the most is his relationship with Tiger Woods. The two of them are good friends and play golf together often. This guy is so competitive he has the audacity to play Tiger for money, and Tiger affectionately refers to him as his personal ATM machine. On the baldness front, Smoltz gets points for duration of baldness. This guy has been rocking a long forehead for what seems like decades. He also honors the time honored tradition of making up for baldness with facial hair.

5. Brian Urlacher - This is our prototypical I'm such a bad ass I scared the hair off the top of my head character. One of the most physical and intimidating linebackers in the NFL today, Urlacher's hair follicles have been blasted off during countless collisions with Fullbacks and Running Backs in the hole. With Urlacher it just seems appropriate that a man that plays that mean, doesn't have much hair.


4. Tiger Woods - Eldrick may be a little behind some others on this list in the baldness category, but boy does he make up for it with his ability to make you say wow. If you read my Masters preview article you can tell how much respect I have for this guy as an athlete. Plus the before and after pics on Tiger are pretty telling. While his game has not regressed at all since winning his first major, his hairline certainly has.

3. Manu Ginobili - Now we start to see some serious baldness. Manu is unfortunately fighting the battle on two fronts. He not only contends with the receding hairline, but also the dreaded male pattern baldness. As we have seen throughout history, an army divided cannot prevail. Yet Manu continues to soldier through, and when healthy a very good basketball player. You might argue that in the Spurs most recent championship, he was more valuable to their success than Duncan or Parker.

2. Chris Kaman - The reason Kaman makes it this high is simply based on how excellent his baldness is. Don't get me wrong, he is one of the better big men in the NBA, but it is his impressive lack of hair that has escalated him here. Kaman has owned a rare but very powerful look, the Skullet. For those of you who don't know that is someone who has the vision and guts to pull off a mullet while simultaneously balding. Its hard to put into words what an aggressive look this is, but bald men everywhere salute Chris Kaman for will to persevere through his baldness and wear whatever hair style he pleases, however unflattering.

1. Mariano Rivera - Let's get the baseball stuff out of the way. Greatest reliever of all time, period, end of story. The man has been utterly amazing to watch. He absolutely dominates with one pitch. I have maintained that he is a sophisticated pitching robot sent back in time. There is no other way to explain his ability to repeat his delivery exactly the same every time, and always hit the spot he aims for. That being said, Mo is a great bald man. Like Ginobili he is also fighting the war on both fronts. Mariano's hair line is pushing pretty far back these days and his bald spot in the back is in the perfect shape of a yarmulke(pronounced Ya-ma-ka to all you non-jews out there). So as a balding, jewish, yankee fan, this one was a slam dunk for me.

So in addition to the many things LeBron James has to look forward to in the coming years like millions of dollars, NBA championships, global stardom, etc., he can also hope to spearhead the next crop of balding superstars and make my updated list. Let the debate begin!